Pink or Blue?

I'm not one of those people who can wait until the day of the birth to find out if they're having a boy or a girl. It's as much as a surprise at 20 weeks as it is at 40 weeks and when people tell you you'll push harder if it's a surprise, trust me you push just as hard if you know!

I want to know so I can plan it's clothing and it's nursery, if I ever move house in time! I also want to be able to tell my daughter if she's getting a brother or sister, think it's the perfect way to tell her.

I'm having my next scan at 19 weeks but that time is such a long time when you have the patience of a toddler! Therefore I've spent all this time thinking about what flavour it'll be. I thought I'd look at some of the tried and tested ways to figure out before you detailed scan. Then I can see how trust worthy they are (bearing in mind there's a 50/50 chance!)

Chinese Gender Chart
According the the Chinese chart it must be a BOY!!!!.

Bounty Gender Prediction
Apparently the bounty website can tell just by my age and the month the baby is due that it's a BOY!! Thats very impressive it was as easy to figure out as that!

Bump height
Apparently if your bump is high you'll have a girl and if it's low you'll have a boy. Well at 18 weeks I still don't have a bump so we'll miss this one.

Heart Rate
I'm afraid we'll have to miss this one too as I've never counted the heart beats and I don't have a doppler. Apparently if your babies heart beats faster than 140 beats a minute then it's a girl, if slower it's a boy!

The Ring Test
If you tie your wedding ring to a piece of string and hold it over your bump and let it swing, if it goes round in circles it's a boy and if it goes back and forth it's a girl. I got a little carried away with this one end ended up carrying out scientific experiments to see if the type of knot, type of string, type of ring etc made the test any different. After a while my scientific brain kicked in and realising it's a load of rubbish I stopped. But anyway now matter how the knot is it says -BOY!

Sicky Sicky
Apparently there has been research into this and if you have bad morning sickness it is more likely to be a girl. Although looking at the research there wasn't much in it. Anyway at 18 weeks I'm still sick so- GIRL!

Nub Theory
When the baby is between 11 and 14 weeks they all have willy like things, which later develop into either a clitoris or a penis. Apparently if scanned around that time you can sometimes see which it is. From what I can figure out your scan picture needs to be side on and the baby as straight as possible. The little nub is where the willy would be obviously. Apparently if the nub is sticking out horizontally it's a girl and if it points up towards it's a boy, but it only needs to be slightly pointing up. At my 12 week scan the direction of the nub was the last thing on my mind so I forgot to ask. I think I can see it in the scan picture but it's not very clear. If I had to predict I'd say it looks like it's pointing up a little bit. I then had a look at my daughters 12 week scan pick to compare but there's only a picture of tummy up. So looks like the nub theory shows -BOY!

Gender Maker
This is a wee test to predict if it's a boy or a girl you're carrying. I though about this but again my logical brain wouldn't allow me to spend £20 on a test which basically tests the alkaline in your wee. If it was cheaper I'd have given it a go but my brain tells me it's a load of rubbish. Plus the amazon  reviews are near enough 50/50 on whether it's good or rubbish. Think I'll save the £20 and spend it on baby clothes next week when I know!

Ebay Gender Predictor
As £20 was a bit too steep I went for a 99p ebay  test thingy. It involved answering questions such how sick I feel, which breast is bigger and if myself or my partner is more dominant in bed! Results indicate- BOY!!

Online Clairvoyant
Yeah I know this is probably a load of rubbish but thought i'd give it a go as it was very cheap- BOY!!

Ramzi Method
Apparently by looking at which side of the uterus the embryo sticks to depends on what the sex is. Apparently the placenta implants onto the right side of the uterus if it's a boy and the left side if it's a girl. Only the vaginal scans show this correctly, if it's an abdominal scan it's the mirror image. These scans have to be done between 6-7 weeks to show accurately (apparently). The study showed this method to be extremely accurate (apparently) So as I had 7 week scans on both of my pregnancies I had a look. My daughters shows she implanted on the left side and this pregnancy shows right side! Therefore BOY!!

Well if we pay attention to these rules it must be a boy!

Scary Scans

I'm now two sleeps away from my detailed scan so I thought I'd better pop by and let you know about my 16 week scan. I don't get much alone time to write blogs so sorry it's late.

I was terrified to have the scan at 16 weeks I never had a scan at that date for my daughter and so I knew there was a good chance that if there was an abnormality it would show up then. The consultant was lovely, she talked to me about what she was looking for before starting and made sure she knew all of our history.

She started by checking the babies heart beat and brain etc. Obviously being only 16 weeks not all of the anatomy was easy to see and so she'd not be able to do a full anomaly scan. Every thing looked just how it was meant to so she moved onto the limbs. She was so patient with me and went over the limbs numerous times with me. She couldn't count fingers but you could see them and see the thumbs.

At one stage she looked at the thigh bone and stopped to measure it, from the screen it looked like the leg ended at the knee, for a few seconds my heart was in my mouth and I dissolved into tears. She quickly reassured me by showing me the rest of the leg which was there, just bent.

It was a tough scan in a way as I was so scared of what she might find but at the same time it was so amazing to see the little one wriggling around and even moving it's hands.

The scan did reassure me that all was ok but the nagging worries have now returned. The genetics consultant has contacted us and have informed us that our daughters disability was likely caused by a vascular disruption, probably before 10 weeks gestation. In other words a vessel didn't form properly or there was a small blood clot blocking the circulation to that hand causing it to die and drop off. My concerns now are that we don't know at what stage the hand dropped off as her dating scan was held at 14 weeks and it was reported that they saw two hands. I know it's very hard to read scans and so it could well have been a mistake and they saw one hand twice, or that it was present at that stage and fell off afterwards. If so when did it fall off and was it after 16 weeks gestation? I know I'm probably being irrational but I can't shake the scared feeling and dread that I'll have to relive that terrible day over 3 years ago.

So 2 more sleeps to go! They will be hard sleeps but I can't wait to see my little one again and hopefully be reassured once and for all.

So Long Progesterone!

Tonight I shall pop my last progesterone pessary!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! It's been a long 11 weeks with them, popping two a day. I remember last year writing a post about the side effects of progesterone.

Progesterone Medication Symptoms
Cramping- Check
Tender boobs- Check
Fatigue- Check
Nausea- Check
Bloating- Check
Headache- Check
Mood swings- I TOLD YOU CHECK!!
http://silenthope80.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/dreaded-two-week-wait.html

So I'm hoping from this some of my symptoms will improve. I have all of the above symptoms, but they are also the symptoms of pregnancy. I'm hoping they're exaggerated by the progesterone though and so when it's out of my system leaving only my bodies natural progesterone I might feel less sick and less bloated.

I've had a long history with Progesterone. During my first pregnancy I popped approximately 70 pessaries. Each of my failed attempts I had approximately 14 pessaries each. This pregnancy my dosage was upped to two a day and carried on til 13 weeks of pregnancy making that about 154 pessaries popped. Therefore the grand total of pessaries popped is about 252! That's quite a lot of progesterone.

The other problem with progesterone is where do you put it?! When I was pregnant with my daughter it was easy. I had one at night, i'd go for a wee, pop it in and go to sleep. Sure I'd wake up for a wee but I found after a few hours most of it had absorbed anyway so I just got a little dribble out. Now I have a toddler. I found myself popping it in and going to bed only to have a little grizzle monster wake up half an hour later. No matter how much you clench the stuff still dribbles out! As I had been upped to two pessaries a day it was even more difficult. I had to lie down for at least an hour afterwards to try to absorb some of it. Unfortunately with a toddler there is no lying in bed for an hour in the morning. I started setting my alarm an hour before I thought she'd wake up and then go back to bed for an hour but I found that was tough to predict and I was lacking in sleep.

Progesterone can also irritate the vaginal wall and the cervix causing it to be sore. It can also cause spotting due to the irritation. After I started spotting the second time I got advice from my twitter friends and was shocked to hear that a lot of people use the back door for their pessaries. I know it's a bit grim to be popping a pessary up your rectum but as my girlie hole was sore all the time and I was having to plan the popping so much it was a no brainer that I should try that too. It was an amazing idea and I've not looked back since. No dribbling and you can just pop and go!!! The only thing you have to plan is that you don't need a poo for a couple of hours afterwards. But hey with pregnancy constipation thats not very hard!

When I posted yesterday I got all excited that today I'd start my second trimester and therefore be full of beans and the joys of spring snow. When I woke up to the bellows of my crazy toddler (something about a dinosaur eating Mr Hop) I still felt sick, I was also still exhausted! Then my little phone went ping to tell me my weekly Baby Centre message had arrived. To my horror it said this was my last week of the first trimester!!! So one more week!!! But then later on I got another ping from the Bounty updates and that said I was now in the second trimester! All very confusing, but I do tend to follow the Baby Centre a bit more and so I'll keep my hope alive that next Friday I'll jump out of bed full of the joys of spring (it might also be Spring like by then!) and I won't need to cuddle the toilet before saving Mr Hop from the dinosaur.

I wrote this nearly a week ago and been a bit rubbish at finishing it, therefore tomorrow is glow day!!! Second Trimester!!! YAY!! p.s I still feel sick!

12 Week ish Scan

Twelve weeks came and went and yep still feel sick!!!  I did expect to, in fact I kind of expect to feel sick for quite a while longer. With my daughter I felt sick for the whole 38 weeks of the pregnancy. I can but hope it improves a little bit so that I don't heave at inappropriate moments or at my patients!

It would be great if I got more energy soon though, I think that's effecting me more than the nausea. Tiredness makes the nausea worse and gives me zero tolerance for anything. In fact I feel bad that I've found myself getting cross with my daughter when she's being a typical difficult toddler. The second trimester starts tomorrow so lets but hope I get that second trimester glow and bounce!

I had my twelve week scan yesterday. I was honestly scared stiffless. I spent the day before breaking into tears all of time and even cried in the waiting room. Typically the scans were running 40 mins late and so I just sat there fretting more and more and dreaming the worst. I had two clear worries. Obviously the first being that the baby had died and I'd have to give birth to my dead baby. Secondly that the baby would have no arms or legs. I guess it's not a normal worry for a pregnant lady but it's on my mind all of the time now. Both arms and legs were seen at my daughters 12 week scan so even though my little baby passed it's 12 week scan with flying colours I know I'm not out of the woods.

The scanning lady was great, she told me she recognised me straight away and was really interested to find out how my daughter was getting on. She spent time in the scan to show me the babies arms and legs and all the vital organs. She suggested that we have another scan in 3 weeks to help ease our worries. I was really happy about this, I thought they might do the 20 week scan early but didn't think I'd get two. Both the scans will be with a consultant so it's lovely to think that they're going to keep such a close eye on me.

I hope I get more piece of mind in 3 weeks, then perhaps I can announce my pregnancy and start believing that this is happening.

The Miracle 12 Week Mark

Tomorrow I'll reach the 12 week milestone! Most websites and books on pregnancy say that at 12 weeks the nausea will decrease as will breast pain. Also my energy levels will go up!!! YAY I can't wait!

So tomorrow I shall wake up full of the joys of spring, I'll have lots of energy and spring out of bed as soon as the toddler alarm clock goes off. I'll be able to bypass the toilet bowl and not have to carry to my breasts to the bathroom. I'll then actually eat breakfast with out heaving!!

I'll be able to clean the house and go into the kitchen with no threats of vomit. I'll be able to cook and actually eat when I want to!!! All this will be done without dreaming of bedtime!! I can't wait!

An Exhausted Post

I'm not very good at this blogging thing am I?! It's not that I don't want to blog, it's that this pregnancy exhaustion is a pain in the botty! The whole second pregnancy is a lot harder than the first one tiredness wise. While I was pregnant with my daughter, when I wasn't working I was collapsed on the sofa sleeping. This time there's a crazy monster that dive bombs me every time I collapse!

I used to go to bed by 8pm during my last pregnancy but even though I love spending time with my daughter it's hard not to try to make the most of some quiet time after she's gone to bed. She now doesn't nap during the day (Typical that I'd get a toddler that is early to quit naps!) so if I went to bed as soon as she's in bed I'd never get any time to myself, which I feel is important as a parent. Although most evenings I find myself sitting on the sofa with a knackered look on my face. You know, the one when you find yourself sitting there with your mouth open and tongue half out?

I've resorted to being a bad parent and allowing a little too much TV or films. By the time evenings come I'm so tired the computer keys are jumping around and so making typing a blog post pretty much impossible.

We're currently having a little Peppa Pig marathon while I type this and find enough energy to take the crazy monster swimming.

Im now 11 weeks pregnant!!! I had a scan last week at 9.6 weeks. It was so amazing to see our little wriggler. The baby has gone from a tiny little blob with two little ticking lines to a baby with arms and legs that wriggles and squirms. It's so emotional to see. All was good with the scan, except there is a little bleeding spot which is where the angel twin was. The blood spot appeared to be collapsing so with any luck it should just absorb back into the lining but they did warn me I need to be careful as if it starts to bleed there's a chance it could cause me to miscarry my little wriggler. It's quite hard to be careful with a toddler and a job but I'm trying hard.

I'm still getting a lot of pregnancy symptoms, obviously the exhaustion and sore breasts that you have to carry to the bathroom in the mornings. The nausea is constant but some days are worse than others. A few days I've resorted to lying on the sofa allowing the toddler to watch countless films as the only other option was to carry a vomit bag around with me. I've also had to ditch my jeans, not because I'm showing but because my tummy is so uncomfortable. I guess it's down to the progesterone bloat and that my uterus is now the size of a grapefruit. I've actually lost weight due to the morning sickness so at least it's not because I'm getting fatter. I brought myself a pair of adjustable waist maternity jeans which are lovely and comfortable to wear. I've just got to make sure I wear long tops to hide the elastic at the waist band until I'm happy for the world to know I'm pregnant.

Next step is my 12 week scan which is when I'll be 12.5 weeks.

A Little Star In The Sky

The run up to my 7 week scan was quite stressful. I had two episodes of spotting and a lot of cramping. I was certain I was going to miscarry and had even started looking into IVF again just so I could be prepared about the next step.

The day before the scan I had more spotting, this time it was bright red. I went to a reflexology appointment and ended up crying at the poor lady yet again as I was so upset at my impending miscarriage. Clearly reflexology works for me as it did relax me and calmed my nerves quite well.

The day of my scan I was back into denial, my friend collected my little girl and I began my hours drive with my music blaring out. My husband was meeting me there as he was working that day. It was a gorgeous day, really sunny. I remember driving thinking that nothing could go wrong on such a lovely day.

As soon as I walked into the waiting room the nerves hit me. The scanning lady was running slightly late but in a space of 20 minutes I had to wee twice. The lady called me into the scanning room, she noticed I was nervous straight away. I told her about the bleeding and cramping so she went straight to scan me to put my nerves at ease.

She'd turned the screen away from me to start with and told us she was going to have a good look first. It seemed like forever before she spoke, my little heart was pounding away and my husband was squeezing my hand tightly. The first thing she said was to ask how many eggs I'd produced. I said one but then she said I must have produced two. I remember thinking 'Oh my goodness it's twins!' for a second I was so excited and a little scared all at once, then the dreaded works 'None viable' came. I heard my husband take a huge breath. For some reason I didn't panic, I just asked straight away if the other one had a heart beat. She immediatly said yes and turned the screen to show me. She even turned the volume up so we could hear it's gorgeous little heart beat.

For the rest of the scan I was over the moon, it all looked good. A consultant came in to check the 'non viable' twin, they agreed that it was indeed another embryo that hadn't made it. It was clearly smaller than the surviving twin and the sac had already started to collapse. They told me to expect a little more old bleeding as the embryo absorbed. They told me that cramping was a normal thing in early pregnancy. I booked in for another scan at 10 weeks and then we went on our way.

It was only then that I started to think and feel sad about my poor angel baby. I'd always wanted twins, not really sure why, I guess it's because it would be a great way of having more children without all the stress of countless IUI cycles. This was my child, even though it's heart might never have beated, I made it. I guess it's even harder because I don't get to make children easily. It would have been hard work with two babies, people have since pointed out that it's a blessing in disguese but it's not. That child would have been loved more than most children in this world as with it's two siblings it was a little miracle and miracles don't happen very often.

I think I'm still coming to terms with everything. It's hard to relax and be cheerful about being pregnant or even think about a baby when it's taken so much to get here. I still hope that I get to take the baby home but I won't let my family talk about it. In a way I just want to forget about it for a few more weeks and keep hoping. Perhaps I don't want to think about it because of the angel I lost, I find it hard to get excited while I'm mourning at the same time. 

I'm trying to think of a nice way to remember my little angel, Luckily I have this scan picture, it shows my gorgeous little future baby, but there in the background is it's little twin, my little angel that I'll never forget.